I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
