So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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