I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
