so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
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