Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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