I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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