Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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