no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
