His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize