i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
