Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
