So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
She even gives head with a lisp.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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