she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
