If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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