hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
