And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize