just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
