im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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