Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
