i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
