Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
