the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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