is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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