I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Randomize
