so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize