He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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