I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Farmville is her only friend.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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