my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
