Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
The police scanner is talking about you again....
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
