We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
