I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
