Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
