Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
