i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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