Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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