Umm I'm too high to move.
And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
it's like heaven, but drunker
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
