So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
