life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize