Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Girls should come with a carfax report
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
