I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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