Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Randomize
