No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
