So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
