He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
