shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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