I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
even my farts smell like vagina
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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