she looked like the before picture.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Send help, water and tortillas.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
