Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
