try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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