I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
