it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
