I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
