I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Randomize
