Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
