I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
