2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
