wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
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