My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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