saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
