I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
