He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
