i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
