I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
