i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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