I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
