Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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