We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Randomize
