That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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