I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize