She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
