How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
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