I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pants are for mortals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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