I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
