Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize