would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
