meet me or not, i'm out of control
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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