I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
