The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
