He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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