Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
