I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
