bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Randomize
