butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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