i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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