words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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