NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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