We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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