then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
