Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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