Please, let me fuck your mom
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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