The panties match.
I'll be right there.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
His nipple licking is glorious
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