so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
