your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
