I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
