If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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