I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
It was like giving head to a cactus.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
