every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
