hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
