Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
it's like iHOP with fire
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize
