There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
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