when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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