You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Soap is not a condiment
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize