East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Randomize
