You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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