Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
