this boner is exhausting
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
