i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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