Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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