Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
