he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
