Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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