Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
